Hey beautiful divine soul sisters
“HAPPY MOTHERS DAY”
Today I am going to express my emotions about my journey from having kids to becoming & being a mother.
BLIND SOCIETY & THE UNCONSCIOUS LIVING
I have been involved in an arrange marriage. Arrange marriage means that someone recommend you by matching through your family’s achievements, if it sounds like a perfect match from the outside then just marry them. It's actually not a bad deal. Third dimension is all about give and take not about serving. It's all about commitment not about contribution. Well no one really talk about love because love is unconditional. It's a deep connection from soul to soul. Love is all about discovering yourself by loving yourself.
No one told me this. I was expecting Love through my husband, Poor man tried so hard but nothing made me feel fulfilled and same I tried so hard but I couldn't make him WOW!!
Actually No one knows what really LOVE is?
I thought love is about giving, pleasing and trying to fit in so they can finally accept and love you , then you live happy ever after. THE END….ha ha
Well! I tried to follow society blindly for many years but nothing seems to satisfy anyone. Basically I wasted a half of my life by doing the way they told me but nothing seems to go right. No matter how hard my effort and commitment I put in, it was still not enough for them.
Let’s cut this and move on to the kids part.
HAVING KIDS IS A REQUIREMENT BY THE SOCIETY
Having kids is a part of a perfect married life. My husband & I wanted to figure out our life first because we needed to make that connection for need to have kids but the noise around us was louder then the inner voice with in us.
The questions and blames for not having kids for 2 years after we got married was a topic of each family gathering. It was embarrassing.
Some examples of questions by aunties:
When we are going to have kids?
They have kids before us when we going to?
We are getting old?
Kids have to be born in 20's not in 30's?
Pressure from the tribe was overbearing. I wanted to focus on studying after marriage as I moved from India to Scotland and hoping to continue my education so I can be somewhere in my life.
Well my life was already planned by the tribe I got married in.
The pressure was having kids was overwhelming which took me through a very painful journey of loosing 2 premature boys and 2 miscarriages.
KIDS ARE BLESSINGS
Fortunately, After 6 years of my marriage I born my first baby girl. I got so lucky to have three of my own kids through my own womb. It was a battle but I become mother of 2 gorgeous girls and a handsome boy. I saw my childhood through them 3 times more than I lived. I really wanted kids at the right time and space.
The birth of my each child was an awakening for me. Every time I born one child of my soul would activate another part of me. As we all know when a soul is trying to wake up it takes through a painful learning process in order to heal and enlightened.
FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS
My biggest painful journey through becoming a mother was actually dealing with my own childhood traumas. All the wounds of rejection, abandonment, unworthiness, unloved and not being enough started to show in my reality.
No matter how much I did I still felt guilty of not giving them enough. I was emotionally exhausted and physically drained because I was raising my kids on my own. Those people who were making noise about having kids never offered any help except unwanted advise and criricism.
I remember my journey with my first kid just started with taking away the right from me of getting involved in choosing and deciding name for her.
Well that is when I first learned to stand for me and took the right to finalise the final name for my daughter. My baby girl given me the strength to fight for my own rights and choosing life for me and for her.
People compared my little baby and told me that she’s not chubby enough and told that I’m not feeding her well. They made me worried about her weight gain. Then 17 months later I had my second daughter and then the pressure was just doubled up. Too many people got involved and too many people were judging my motherhood but no one offered any help. People just look an excuse for partying and gossiping. Family gathering were always exhausting for me. I feel like an alien around people who have not benefit to anyone around them.
Here I learned to step away and started to call my power back to me. I took a pause from people around me and learned to shift my focus from what people think to what can I do for me and my kids.
HEALING CHILDHOOD WOUNDS
When I took myself away from the noise I started to listen to my feelings and started to feel the deeper connection with in and with my kids.
My journey of healing begin with becoming and being a mother for my kids. The society told me that they are my responsibilities, they are my duties, they are burden and they are an extension to the family.
Well they are a little version of me and THE UNIVERSE trust me so I have been chosen to born and raise them. They are my gratest gift from THE UNIVERSE. They are a little version of me to experience my childhood which I couldn't remember. My kids are born to show me how I can love the little kid in me by loving them unconditionally. I felt it was a rebirth of me and I started to feel a little kid around them. They brought a complete joy to my life and dealing with challenges taught me to master at solving problems.
I started to make notes about how I would have liked to be loved as a baby and toddler. Ofcourse I would have chose just my mother, father, siblings and some other kids to play with, not all those scary toxic aunties gossiping around.
I discovered mom-toddler groups, swimming lessons, kids spiritual camps, garden centres, fruit/flower farms for a day trips and community parks.
Cooking and baking with kids has just begone a mindful creativity at home. We still love cooking and creating recipes even my baby is 18yrs old.
That’s where stared to feel the pure essence of my life. My soul started to nurture and heal. These three kids have become a blessings for me. They are my soulmates who taught me how to live my life at this age and keep living until my last breath.
My soul started to crave for more lessons even soul learning lessons are very painful but we all know that the pain lead to the power by healing with unconditional love.
To be honest my husband really adore my motherhood side too.
FACING JEALOUSY & INSECURITIES
After discovering a real meaning of becoming a mother I tried to reconnect with the Tribe I born, raised and married to but I felt even more jealousy and insecurities. from them. I didn't feel belong to them esepecially after I have found a deeper connection within.
Well! I really don’t blame them because I was the one who broke the matrix however they just follow blindly doing the same but hating each other at the same time. I am definitely not a part of the blind society anymore. I am awaken and have to keep shining my light bright.
A biggest lesson I learned that the past is gone and there is never way back. Only way is to move forward.
At this stage I learned to forgive, forget and move on to my own life purpose. I kept the door open to those who inspired by my transformations and want to be a part of my journey. I definetely closed the door to those who try to drag me down to the hell. I have read that chapter so I do not need to read it again.
Time to move on and open the next chapter!
LIVING & SERVING SOUL PURPOSE
I started to guide other mothers who were ready for a change. Guiding others has become a soul purpose of my life and I am loving each and every moment of it.
Moms are everywhere who synchronise with my soul. I recognise them through the body languages, through the communications and through the presence around others.
A real mother is a protective, secretive, silent, peaceful and observer.
Basically being a Mindful of your inner and outer living space is all that you need around kids. Allow them to discover their childhood and flourish into their own direction. Heal your own childhood wounds by watching and giving them unconditional love.
Be Mindful and Enjoy the Journey.
Love & Light
Mani
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